Do you use Google Alerts? I’m sure you do. If you’re like me, you use more than one. These days, Google Alerts have nearly taken the place of that old treasure, junk mail. You see, there are a few ‘Robs’ out there with the nickname ‘Moose.’ Sometimes one will pop up in a sports recap, in which said ‘Moose’ robbed his opponents of the ball, the win, their pride, etc. There are also other full-on Rob Mooses. One graduated from Mediapolis Middle School (wow, super zeitgeisty town name) in Iowa back in 2004, another from the Washington School in Greenville, MS back in 1999.
None of the nick or name sharers, however, can rival this incredible sentence which, courtesy of a comma, contains my name in sequence. “Actually Rob, Moose if handled correctly, from the time you drop one, taste very much like beef.” Please note the use of italics (theirs) and the word ‘drop’ (I hope for a more descriptive word after my own demise). Need I tell you that this syntactical gem hails from an online hunting chat, the subcategory of which is known as Moose. The “real” mans meat.
My other two google alerts alerts also provide a series of entertaining verbal collisions. Bach Reformed, my other side project, yields occasional history lessons about Martin Luther or Bach’s role in the development of sacred vocal music. Osso, the instrumental-side-of-Sufjan-playing string quartet, of which I used to be a member, attracts frequent mention of osso buco, that culinary favorite. Other highlights include Orphanage Support Services Organization (self-explanatory), Osso Electric, “the exclusive Siemens industrial distributor for Eastern Ontario” and Osso & Co, “purveyors of the finest in quality and style of pet foods.”
I have yet to register a Google Alert for yMusic, but some initial research hints at future joyful discoveries to be made. There is the ever powerful Yahoo!, who single-handedly necessitated adding the word “ensemble” to our domain name. Next in line, and this may be because I’m currently in Amsterdam, is the Dutch group YMusic (imagine Y as tuning fork), who accompany cartoons with Satie-like piano jams. There is a YMusic in Missoula, Montana, a Y-Music in Hopeland, Uganda that serves as “an evangelistic music ministry,” and a /ymusic “quantcast” that “attracts a primarily female, more African American, teen audience.” That last link didn’t work for me, but it’s branding sure did. [For ambitious readers only: a quantcast is a Web site that is based on viewing the statistics of other Web sites.]
If you’re the type that asks questions, it may be time for me to address the possibility of a silver lining in all of this. Luckily, I have one. You see, a few days ago, I was walkin’ down the road, in New York City, when a tremor struck my right leg, halfway up the quadricep. I looked down and found Google, right there in my pocket, sending out an SMS. This exciting announcement was worth the vibrational jolt. Scroll through. No hunting, no sports, but actual, relavent news!